I feel lucky that I studied computer science, and became a software engineer. Psychology, languages, history were never my thing. I like the comfort of having a clear, provable conclusion that’s good or bad. The other day, my sister asked me whether I liked high school or college better, and I said college without skipping a beat, in part because I didn’t have to deal with any of those required ‘arts’ classes anymore.

2025 delivered a hard lesson on this perspective.

Let’s start with relationships. I had some major fights with Andrew this year, mostly around kids. I am quite impatient as a parent, and everyday, my respect for those who are Actually loving (or… Romantic? Ha you know I have to throw in a 2025 Swiftie joke) parents grows. I had some sobering moments earlier in the year when I wondered whether this was going to be my life, perpetually sleep deprived, deficient in linguistic stimulations until I’m too old to be literate again. It just seemed that I was desperately finding myself, while Andrew had gladly embraced himself as a dad, possibly of even more children. In these fights, I felt myself falling for the same trap of ‘proving’ a theory. Given the initial condition of life sucks, and how every morning at 4am it’s continuing to suck, it must mean that it will suck for eternity. Oh, another thing that I discovered this year, and I’ve done my research with my gal friends… guys, as in, those in relationships, suck at proactively making it up to their partners. Combining young kids with a stubborn partner is the perfect storm. I’ll admit, at the bottom of my heart, I yearned for a generous golden retriever type who forgets how I forgot to water their bowl, but no, that’s not how it works. It’s all about setting up rules as we go. Don’t bother tracking whose turn it is to say sorry, just say it, tell each other what exactly they did that was unchivalrous, attempt to set up a prompt alert system, and move on. Adults or not, we are all children who want to be treated with kindness, so we should act like them, who also forget grudges like a goldfish.

Speaking of proactivity, you have no idea how much it means to me to be invited to things, as in, from friends. But such is life, you randomly find out, from a photo in passing, that good friends from another era got married years ago, and what you think were just work acquaintances end up sharing their wisdom on all the real stuff (and bidets, of all things). I wondered whether it’s worth it that I’m often the side that says happy birthday, or happy new year, or seemingly makes any effort. I’d like to believe that it does. However, maybe less in a quid pro quo way, but like an investment. You win some, you lose some. This year, I’d say I’m happy with my dividends overall. I accosted a fellow mom at the local library, and ended up going on boba walks and gossiping about a lot of random stuff with her. A friend told me that they’d wanna travel with me again after our Hawaii trip many years ago and that made my heart skip a beat. Another friend reached out and shared that they bought a new house (exciting!). Yet another came to CO on my birthday, and told me that the only reason they made a stop here was to see me (best birthday gift ever!!). During a business trip, I met up with a friend at a new Chinese restaurant in downtown San Mateo (Tai Er). We made it work even tho he was so busy that he had to take a conference call in his car right up to the reservation. Andrew and I also traveled to Austin, where I interned 13 years ago, for a college friend’s wedding, and played ‘up and down the river’ till 2am with his whole college ‘frat’ house. I pranked my coworker, who wears a military hat all the time, by custom ordering his kinda hat for the whole office for Christmas, and might have actually cracked a laugh out of him. What takes the cake is an IPO party in July, when we joked to take a shot for every dollar that went above the initial price that day. Well, I’d wager to end up in the ER if what happened then could happen on the day my lock-up ended, but of course we watched the price tank. You win some, you lose some.

Speaking of money, 2025 has been a year of spending, losing and winning. Being an early employee at a company, then seeing it IPO was the luckiest thing that has ever happened financially, probably ever will if I’m being honest.. Life has a way to keep it balanced, though. There were many reasons, but we ended up deciding to build a house, and 2025 was the year it happened. Lemme just say, the money it takes to build a house is not something I was comfortable dealing with. The year started off with me freaking out over budget changes on the order of a thousand bucks or two, due to, I dunno, inflation. With how often this happened, and how our goalpost kept shifting, I realized that I won’t be able to mentally survive until the house’s handover if I fuss over every line item. Moreover, 2025 was also a tough year to sell houses, and our starter home back in CA had a 7/1 ARM, with higher mortgage rate coming. So yea, got pretty wrecked by real estate in 2025. No matter how much I hate to admit it, how much I’ve tried to rationalize it, by getting a master’s degree in finance or talking to savvy friends, I now know that I’m the kind of person to lose sleep over money, not over the outcome necessarily, but the anticipation. Now I try (still trying..) to look past how much a fixture costs compared to my weekly grocery budget, but how much happier it will make me by looking at it every day, how much sleep it will save me by not thinking about it for a whole week, and how in the grand scheme of things, it has zero impact on my financial health. Buy the darn light, and move on.

Speaking of health… 6am, sometimes 4am, wake up calls by pitter patters every morning, and your most up-to-date dosage of viruses at daycares, you get it. Let’s just move on.

In between thinking about these more ‘existential’ topics, I found myself picking up the guitar and mindlessly plucking on for hours after kids' bedtime. I am finally able to play an F chord without hurting my wrist. I once heard a friend say that they like to always have a trip lined up to look forward to. For me, it’s the same, except with songs instead of trips. I still play the flute, but it’s becoming less fun because the music all have a bazillion sharps or flats or accidentals. I have told my flute teacher to cap it at 4 sharps or flats, I hope she keeps her promise in 2026, not trying to become a professional here. On the plus side, I didn’t completely screw up at her recital this year (fun fact, I found out that my daughter’s classmate is in the same recital, what?!). In fact, I don’t think I played a single wrong note. Wrong beat, sure, but not wrong note, which was a first for me. My goal for next year is to not chicken out of playing a 100+bpm piece in front of real people, a few more guitar songs, and possibly singing along if I’m not sick all the time.

As I was thinking about this post, I realized that 2025 for me was not about algorithms, AI, or winning anything, but about psychology, perseverance, and passion. My logics-driven years trained me well at following arguments, negotiating discounts, and drafting budgets, but the real story lies in whether any of this matters. 2025 was a year of pondering this ambiguity, doing my best in making a decision, and moving on. Maybe I should read more history in 2026.